


Broken Armor

by MissErikaCourt



Series: The Wars to Come [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depression, F/M, Hurt, Mourning, One Shot, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissErikaCourt/pseuds/MissErikaCourt
Summary: Reiner struggles with the aftermath of the war against Marley as he tries to figure out what to do next.





	Broken Armor

**Author's Note:**

> This one is sad, just for the sake of being sad really. I needed to bring some closure to my characters from Infiltration, and I figured doing it in one-shots would be a better way than making more chapters for that story. It seemed like it would just drag on, so here's Reiner's. I hope you like it and I hope it doesn't make you too depressed!
> 
> Trigger warnings for suicide mentions and depictions.

The stress of it all had been too much to bear. He'd watched as Falco was eaten by his own brother. It didn't matter that Colt had been killed after or that the battle ended in the favor of the Scouts because they'd lost too much, even by his account. He'd had to take Mikasa to the hospital because she was so stricken with grief that she couldn't walk. He didn't blame her, though, everyone had a cold, somber expression after that fight. Most people would have thought that they should be happy, that they'd finally won what they were fighting for all those years, but the loss of Eren ripped that happiness away. Not only Eren, but Falco as well. Gabi was so distraught that she'd run from the battlefield, and Reiner was happy for it. They'd struggled enough on their own, he was glad he didn't have to worry about protecting her while they fought with Zeke. So even though they'd won and society was starting to change, Reiner couldn't help but think that he needed to leave.

He helped with the expeditions outside the walls to rid the world of the remaining titans, and Gabi had even come too. She was promising with 3DM gear and only getting better as she used it. However, once they'd completely that task he just felt out of place. He'd talked to Hanji, about how he couldn't stay, about how his grief was literally tearing him apart, and she knew exactly how he felt. She encouraged him to talk to Levi and Mikasa about taking in Gabi, because somewhere in the back of her mind he was sure that she knew what he'd planned to do. So after he talked with her he showed up at their house. It was late and it had been a long trek there in the rain, but Mikasa had rushed him in as soon as she saw him standing on their porch, dripping wet and cold and at the verge of tears.

“Reiner, what are you doing all the way out here?” She'd asked as she got him a towel and a blanket. Levi stood leaning against the arch that lead from their small living room into the kitchen where Mikasa was making tea. He couldn't read his expression and he didn't care to, because he didn't care about much these days besides making sure Gabi was safe and happy.

“I needed to talk to you two about something.” Lightning streaked the sky through the window and was followed by a loud boom of thunder as he sighed and was handed a cup and saucer. He nodded his thanks before he continued. “I can't stay here.”

“Of course you can.” Mikasa said, a strange tone to her voice. “You're one of us, you know that.”

“It hurts too much, Mikasa. Falco and Eren...” He stopped talking, partly because he got choked up but also because of the way Mikasa physically flinched at the mention of Eren's name. Levi looked at her with a concerned expression but settled down when she returned to her normal calm facade. “I just need to leave. I can't live in that city and remember every day what I couldn't stop from happening.”

“I can understand that.” She said quietly, sitting down in a chair around the table and toying with the rim of her own delicate china teacup. “Where will you go?”

“I don't know, but that's not exactly what I wanted to talk about.” He sipped his tea and set it back down before cautiously continuing. “I want Gabi to stay on Paradis. It's better for her. She needs to live a happy life, that's why I brought her here in the first place. I talked to Hanji and she told me I should ask the two of you if you'll take her in. Gabi loves you, Mikasa, she needs someone that she's comfortable with. That I know will love her.”

“You...want me to...” She was taken aback, no doubt wondering if she was even suited to be a makeshift mother to an obviously strong willed girl.

“I know it's a lot to ask, but I know you two would take care of her.” Reiner looked down at his cup, his face reflected in the dark tea before he looked over to Levi.

“As long as she knows how to keep things clean, I don't care if she stays.” He said with a sigh as he rolled his eyes and joined them at the table. Mikasa still looked hesitant, but her expression softened when she saw how happy Reiner was that Levi had agreed.

“Of course she can stay with us, Reiner. It wouldn't be right of us to turn her away.” Mikasa finally said after some thought. She looked a bit scared, but a look from Levi seemed to make her fears vanish. Reiner wondered what it would have been like to have something like that, but knew it could never happen. Annie was still inside the crystal and he'd given up hope that she would ever come out. He'd come to terms with the fact that the day that Eren had ripped her out of her titan was the day that she'd died. The only other woman he'd ever had any kind of feelings for was Historia, and she was obviously in love with Ymir. Not that it would have worked between the two of them anyway, he was a titan shifter and he only had around two years left, and he surely wasn't going to allow this destructive power to be passed on to someone else.

“Thank you. Both of you.” He said, looking between Mikasa and Levi with an expression of pure relief. Levi just looked bored and Mikasa smiled at him in a way that said that he didn't need to thank them for anything. “I'll bring her by tomorrow. It's going to take her a while to come to terms with all this, but it's for the best.”

“She's stubborn, I'm used to that kind of thing, we can make her feel at home don't worry.” Mikasa said giving Levi a look and a smile as she talked about the stubborn girl she was about to take in.

“I'd better get going, then. It's a long walk back to the city.” Reiner said, starting to push himself up from the table but Mikasa caught his hand.

“Absolutely not. We have a spare room, you're not going back there in the pouring rain this late at night. Get some rest and you can think about what you need to do in the morning.” She said, getting up from the table and leading him to the spare room under the stairs.

“Thanks.” He said, looking around the room, feeling a bit awkward for imposing.

“No need to thank me.” She said as she leaned against the door frame. “We'll be upstairs if you need anything. Good night.”

“Good night.” He called after her as she closed the door and left him alone with his thoughts. It wasn't long before emotional and physical exhaustion claimed him and he drifted off to sleep.

 

oOo

 

He was gone the next morning before Levi and Mikasa had made their way downstairs and he wondered if they'd be upset that he hadn't said goodbye. He made his way back to the city and to the apartment where he'd been staying with Gabi in the barracks. No one really lived there anymore, but Hanji had told them to stay as long as they wanted. Gabi was awake when he entered the room and furious.

“Where the hell have you been? You didn't even come home last night!” She said, hands on her hips. He laughed a bit at the way she chastised him, as if she were an angry, worried mother waiting for her child to come home.

“I went to visit Levi and Mikasa and lost track of time. They insisted that I stay over night.” Reiner answered as he sat down at their small kitchen table.

“You could have at least told me where you were going! I was worried.”

“Sorry Gabs.” He called her affectionately by the nickname he'd given her when she was just a baby. Gabi was his cousin but she'd always been more like a little sister to him. “Listen, Gabi, there's something I need to do.”

“What is it? Can I help?” She asked, a tone of excitement to her voice as her eyes grew wide with anticipation. He gave her a sad smile before he spoke again.

“I need to leave here, Gabi. I went to talk to Mikasa and Levi because I wanted to ask if you could stay with them. They agreed.”

“What are you talking about?” Her anticipation was quickly replaced with panic and rage. “You...you can't just leave me here! Where will you even go?”

“I don't know yet, just away from here. It's too much...”

“You can't just run away from your problems, Reiner!” She shouted, slamming her fist down on the table and glaring at him with a fury that he'd never seen in her before. “You can't just leave and abandon me and think that everything will be better that way!”

“I brought you here because I want you to be safe. I don't know where I'm going to go, but I know you'll be better off here. Mikasa and Levi will give you a good life.”

“I don't want to have a good life with them I want to have a good life with _you_!” Tears had started forming in her eyes as she screamed at him, the realization hitting her that he was really going to leave. “Please just take me with you. I don't care if we don't have a house or if we just wonder around forever.”

“Gabi, I only have two years left. _Two_. I'll be gone after that. I can't just take you with me and trust that you'll be okay after I'm gone. I asked Levi and Mikasa to keep you safe because that's the whole reason I even brought you here in the first place. The decision has already been made. Please just do this for me.” He'd adopted an almost pleading tone as he looked at her, both of them on the verge of tears. Hers spilled over long before his did.

“Fine, if that's what you want! If you want to abandon me and go off to die I won't stop you!” She was still angry, but there was a sadness to her tone now that broke his heart in two.

“Get ready then, I told them we'd be there today.” He said sadly, unable to meet her gaze. She stormed off to the bathroom and slammed the door, leaving him alone. He let his head fall back to stare up at the ceiling, letting a long sigh escape him and scrubbing his face with his hands. He'd known it would be hard for her to accept and he knew that she would probably hate him for it, but he hadn't been prepared for it to _actually_ happen.

When Gabi was ready they mounted horses and made their way to the quiet countryside where Levi and Mikasa had settled. They had a nice home that they'd built for themselves, and a lot of land for privacy. Reiner knew that Gabi would settle in there just fine, but he also knew it would be a long while before she accepted it as her home. He had no doubt that Mikasa and Levi would give her everything that she needed, a family, a roof over her head, a steady sense of belonging, but that wouldn't be enough until she accepted that it would have to be her life now. Gabi didn't speak a word while they rode there and quietly dismounted her horse when they arrived. Mikasa had been doing work in a garden that she'd started and walked over to them happily when she saw them trotting down the path that lead to their house.

“Hey Gabi!” She said happily, but Gabi just shot her a look and rolled her eyes. Reiner looked at Mikasa as if he wanted to apologize, but she just smiled and shook her head. No apologies needed. “We've got a spare room for you if you'd like to take your things inside.”

“Sure.” Gabi said shortly, taking her backpack and a larger bag to the door and pushing in without knocking. Levi joined them then, his hands shoved casually in his pockets.

“I remembered her being a bit less angry.” He said as he patted the horse's nose when he walked up.

“She's having kind of a hard time accepting all this. Like I said, it's gonna take time.” Reiner said, looking longingly toward the house.

“She'll be fine.” Mikasa reassured him. “You need to do what's best for you. We'll make sure that she's happy and well taken care of.”

“I know you will.” He couldn't think of much else to say. “I'd better get going then. Just tell her...tell her I love her, okay? If you can? I want her to know.”

“She knows.” Levi said, the same unwaveringly cool facade that he always wore plastered on his face. “But we'll make sure we remind her every now and then.”

Reiner couldn't say anything else. He just mounted his horse and rode away as tears stung his eyes. He didn't look back, he couldn't, because if he did he might change his mind and go galloping back to take Gabi with him. He knew that wasn't the right thing to do, especially with what he'd planned last night. He didn't have long left, so what was the point? He'd been too afraid to do it before, but this time would be different. This time he had taken care of all of his loose ends and he could say that he'd lived his life to the fullest that he could. The best way someone that was forced into wars could have, anyway. He pressed his hand to the pistol that he'd taken from the armory that no one ever used any more. They wouldn't miss it. The probably wouldn't even know it was gone, but he was well aware of its presence at his hip. He pushed his horse hard to get somewhere far away, it didn't really matter where, but he subconsciously ended up at the titan forest where he'd gone on his first expedition with the Scouts. He thought this was as good a spot as any for him to meet his end.

He dismounted his horse and sent it galloping off in the direction he'd come. He'd made up his mind. He didn't need the horse or anything else anymore. All he needed was the pistol he'd taken and the one bullet that was in the chamber. He sat on the ground with his back leaning up against a tree, just thinking of everything that had happened to him in his all too short life. He smiled at the friends he had made along the way, a tear sliding down his cheek as he pulled back the hammer, put the gun in his mouth and all his troubles disappeared with the pull of the trigger.


End file.
